Enough For Me

"Class," Kankri announces when the late bell rings and we all settle down. "We're g9ing t9 have a new student c9ming." Immediately, everyone starts whispering excitedly--we're not used to new people; everyone in the school knows each other.

"Great!" Feferi cheers. "W)(o is it?"

Kankri shrugs slightly. "I haven't 6een t9ld, 6ut I'm aware it's a 69y." The girls in the class, of course, get even more excited. WATCH HIM BE A DOUCHE. "Settle d9wn. He'll 6e c9ming s99n."

~**~

That's what Kankri said half an hour ago.

"…And s9, Great 6ritain and France have had a l9ng-standing resentment f9r each 9ther…" he drones. BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHO THE FUCK EVEN CARES? I ask myself mentally. I slump in my seat even more, spacing out again. Terezi, at my right, nudges me to concentrate. THE HELL DOES SHE CARE? SHE CAN'T EVEN SEE.

Kankri keeps talking. "The seven year's war was very…" He paces around the front of the classroom, his arms crossed. I look around; most of the class is really bored except for Nepeta and Feferi--they look wide awake, as if they're on a eternal sugar high. THEY NEVER LOOK SLEEPY…

"K4RK4T," Terezi whispers, "W3 H4V3 F1FT33N M1NUT3S L3FT, ST4Y STRONG."

I groan loudly, taking the half-assed attention away from Kankri's talking.

"Yes, Karkat?" he asks. He stops pacing to face me.

"THIS IS SO FUCKING BORING," I say. The class stirs.

"Excuse me?"

"WE'RE BORED OUT OF OUR MINDS, KANRKI! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS NEW GUY TO SHOW UP, BUT WHERE IS HE? NOT FUCKING HERE!" Everyone's eyes are on me. Kankri has his mouth open, speechless. FINALLY. "WE TRIED TO PAY ATTENTION, KANRKI, WE REALLY DID, BUT YOU'RE REALLY BORING US RIGHT NOW."

My dancestor's eyes are trained on me, not speaking for a full minute. Then:

"I feel VERY triggered!" he says.

"OH, FUCK YOUR TRIGGERS," I retort.

"K4RK4T!" Terezi loudly whispers, trying to calm me down before I take this too far. But it's too late now.

"IS THIS A PRANK? HUH, KANKRI?" I get out of my seat and get all up in my dancestor's grill.

"I--"

Right then, there's a small knock on the door. I shut up and everyone sits perfectly still. Another knock. No one moves a muscle. Then slowly, the door opens and a head full of black hair pops in. A human. "Uh…hi?" he awkwardly greets. I can imagine the scene he's witnessing right now: an angry student ready to punch his teacher and does not give a fuck, while everyone's mutely staring.

It feels like forever when he fully steps in the room. He's wearing a white T-shirt with a green slime thing on it, with jeans and sneakers. He looks at us, his blue eyes wide.

Kankri clears his throat and we all relax a little. I go back to my seat and slump in it again. "H-hell9 there," my dancestor says. "Y9u are…?"

"I'm the new kid." At that, Dave, Rose, and Jade jump out of their seats and rush towards the guy, squealing and hollering.

"John!" they all yell happily, surrounding him in a group hug. "We missed you!" The John human laughs and greets them all, as if he hasn't seen them in years.

"I'm so glad you were able to transfer here!" Jade says, bouncing on her toes.

"Yeah bro," Dave chimes, "the whole gang's back together!" He pats the John human on the back.

"Good to see you, John," Rose comments, smiling at him in that calm way she always does.

"I'm happy to be here!" The John human grins brightly. DOUCHEBAG, I quickly assume. The rest of the class just stares at him, until:

"TEREZIIIIIIII!" Vriska barges in the room, wearing a bright red dress with matching heels, her yellow eyes full of fire. They focus on the blind troll. "You stole my red lip gloss!"

Terezi nonchalantly shrugs and replies, "1 DON'T KNOW WH4T YOU M34N."

"Don't you--!!!!!!!!" She glances at the new kid and does a double-take. In .3 seconds, her demeanor changes completely. "Well hello there," she says in a sultry voice, flipping her hair dramatically. "I'm Vriska, the coolest girl ever." She lends out a hand, and the kid takes it eagerly.

"I'm John! I think you're really pretty," he blurts. Vriska blushes and giggles incessantly.

"You're cute John."

"h-HI, uH, vRISKA," Tavros shyly says from the back. He waves at her.

"Oh 'sup Tav," she quickly answers, going back to John, flipping her hair again.

"Vriska, I hate t9 interrupt y9ur flirting sessi9n," Kankri cuts in, "6ut I suggest y9u g9 6ack t9 y9ur classr99m, lest Ms. Serket finds y9u."

Vriska groans. "Ugh, fiiiiiiiine. 8ut I'll 8e wanting my lip gloss 8ack Terezi!"

The blind troll snickers. "4S SOON 4S 1 G3T MY R3D DR3SS B4CK." Vriska lets out a frustrated groan and stomps out the room without a comeback. "TOT4LLY PWN3D H3R," she whispers to me. I roll my eyes.

"You're gonna have so much fun here John!" Jade says excitedly, acting like nothing just happened.

"We're totally gonna hang out John," Dave states.

"Of course!" John turns to the class, apparently deciding to finally introduce himself. "I'm John, as I've said already, haha! I transferred from Sbarb High School. I hope we can all be friends." He smiles brightly again, irritating me. I don't know why, but he just pisses me off.

"Be careful, John, there's one person who's not going to be so easy to befriend," Rose warns playfully.

"Who?" he asks. Dave, Rose, and Jade look at me pointedly.

"WHAT?"

"See?" Rose says.

John squints at me through his glasses, then as if recognition dawns on him, he says, "Oh! It's you!"

"WHAT?" I repeat.

He goes up to me and lends out a hand. "You're Karkat aren't you? I've heard so much about you!" I glare at his extended hand. He won't take the hint. "I think we're gonna become good friends!"

Dave snorts. "Good luck with that." I continue glaring at John's hand, not making the move to shake it. Finally, he puts it down. THAT'S RIGHT.

Thankfully, the bell rings. Kankri sighs. "Peri9d is 9ver. Class dismissed. Have a nice day, J9hn." Everyone rushes to John, asking him a bunch of questions. I slip away unnoticed, going to my next class. HE'S GOING TO TURN MY LIFE UPSIDE DOWN.

~**~

Terezi, Kanaya, Gamzee, Nepeta, Equius, and I are behind the school, talking. I see John and his friends several yards away from us. It's been a month since he's been here, and I haven't had contact with him at all, unless he comes up to me with a surprise greeting. Everyone else in school just loves him. I sigh.

"Something on your mind Karkitty?" Nepeta asks.

"NOT REALLY," I respond, shivering in my jacket. "IT'S COLD AS HELL OUTSIDE."

"It is almost winter," Equius points out. I shrug.

Kanaya looks at me and says, "I Heard About Your Little Outburst Today."

"YEAH, WELL. KANKRI'S A DOUCHE. ALL THE ALPHA TROLLS ARE." She stares at me intensely. "ALRIGHT FINE. PORRIM'S OKAY," I relent.

"Good."

I look over to John and his group and make eye contact with him. I quickly look away, but then I look back at him. He's still looking at me, and now Dave, Jade, and Rose are looking too. I clench my jaw.

"C4LM DOWN K4RKL3S," Terezi says, snuggling to my side.

"I'LL TRY TO…"

"YoU kNoW wHaT yOu NeEd BrO? sOmE fUcKiNg FaYgO," Gamzee slurs, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I DON'T WANT FAYGO. OR SLIME PIE. OR WHATEVER YOU'RE GOING TO OFFER ME."

"AlRiGhT bRO, jUsT tRyInG tO hElP."

"SORRY," I mutter. I appreciate Gamzee for trying to be a better moirail. He's still trying to get over his depression.

"It'S cOoL." He smiles lazily at me. I look to John's group again. This time, Vriska joins in, all over the human. She's hugging him and laughing way too loudly. I notice that my friends have followed my line of sight.

"Well, someone's f33ling flushed!" Nepeta giggles. "Time to update my shipping wall!"

"You Should Put John And Karkat On The Wall Too," Kanaya suddenly suggests.

"KANAYA!" I try to shut her up, but it's too late; that look in Nepeta's eyes is already there.

"That's a great idea Kanaya!" she squeals. SHE'S GOING INTO FANGIRL MODE.

"Sounds like an interesting pair," Equius says thoughtfully.

"COME ON GUYS, REALLY? ME AND THAT GUY? NO WAY. I DON'T EVEN TALK TO HIM," I protest.

Terezi laughs into my shoulder. "L3T'S HOOK YOU TWO UP TH3N."

"Why do you dislike him, mutant blood?" Equius questions.

"WoRd BrO, wHy?"

"HE'S A DOUCHE," I argue.

"He Hasn't Done Anything," Kanaya chirps.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "HE'S TOO NICE. PISSES ME OFF."

"Hey fuck ass!" Jade's calling. I look up to see her jogging towards me.

"WHAT?" I ask when she reaches me.

"You busy?"

I think about what I have to do today; it's Friday, so I have very little homework and no plans for the weekend. I shrug. "NAH."

"Great!" She claps her hands. "Come hang with us!"

"WHO'S US?"

"John, Rose, Dave, and I!"

"VRISKA ISN'T GOING?"

"She can't. She has to 'take care of business' or something." Terezi sighs heavily--she seems to know what that means.

"WHERE TO?"

"To get pizza," Jade answers. "Come on fuck ass, it'll be fun!" Her bright green eyes look at me with hope.

"'KAY," I say. "I'LL GO." Out of the corner of my eye, Nepeta's spazzing, having her feels again.

"Great!" She takes my hand and starts pulling me. Terezi leans away and grins at me. The rest of the group give me pointed looks, as if telling me good luck. I BETTER NOT REGRET THIS.

~**~

"Your horns remind me of candy corn Karkat!" John suddenly exclaims. We're sitting in a booth, waiting for our pizzas. John's sitting right across from me. Dave's next to him, and I'm squeezed in with Rose and Jade.

I start to feel defensive. "WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"That they're really cute silly," he answers. I glare at him. HE REALLY WANTS TO START.

"S-so John!" Jade cuts in, feeling the tension. "What do you think of Sburb High School so far?"

"Wow, it's really cool! Everyone here is so lively and really friendly, haha!"

"Except for Mr. Grouchy Pants," Dave says, glancing at me. I want to flip him off.

"Yeah, why?" John inquires. I grumble a string of curses and look down.

"Don't mind him, he's usually like this," Rose says, sipping her tea.

"Well, okay…"

We all sit in silence for a while. I stare at John, who's just looking around the place. I won't admit it out loud, but I'm glad that he's a happy person, all naïve and stuff, like Jade. I also appreciate how genuine he is. Sure, I call him a douche, but he's really sweet. YET HE PISSES ME OFF…

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I'm startled out of my thoughts. I realize that John has caught me staring at him.

"…WHAT?"

"Haha, just kidding!" he says. He smiles again, his dark blue eyes glinting. I frown a little and take a huge gulp of my cherry slushie. "So," he continues, "I heard that I'm about to be surprised? What's this about?"

Dave, Jade, and Rose give each other looks. "Well," Rose starts, "we know how you wanted to hear about the shipping grid…"

"Uh-huh," John says.

"Sooo, you're gonna hear it," Dave finishes.

The look on John's face is of utter joy. "OH MY GOSH REALLY?"

"Yeah!" Jade says. "And Karkat's going to explain it to you!"

I feel stunned. "WAIT, HOLD UP--"

"REALLY?" John almost shrieks.

"Mm-hm, he's the expert at it."

I start to get flustered. "I-I WOULDN'T--"

"Well come on then! Tell me!"

I let out a deep breath, knowing they won't let me go until I tell him.

~**~

"So, kismesis is like a love-hate relationship?"

"YEAH, BUT WITH MORE HATE."

"Ohhh, I get it! So like, Jade and I would be moirails--"

"And John and I would be mate sprits," Dave interrupts. I raise an eyebrow at that.

"Yeah, and if Dave and I start to hate each other, Rose would come in and be an auspice." I nod; he's right so far. WELL, I'M NOT TOO SURE ABOUT DAVE AND JOHN BEING FLUSHED LIKE THAT… "So…that just leaves us Karkat. We'd be totally black for each other!" I snort. LIKE HE HAS A HATE BONE IN HIM. I notice that Dave doesn't seem to enjoy the prospect of me being in any kind of relationship with John.

"MM-HM," I murmur. Then John leans over the table and just squeezes my cheeks together. I'm too bewildered to react.

He sits back down. "Sorry, I've been wanting to do that for a while, haha!" He scratches his head awkwardly.

Three pairs of eyes look at me for my response. "U-UH…IT'S COOL, I GUESS," I finally say.

John looks like he's going to say something, but then the pizza comes and Dave announces, "Let's eat up!"

~**~

"SO, UH, THANKS FOR WALKING ME HOME AND ALL," I say to John. We're a few blocks away from my house. I check my phone for the time. It's 6:12 p.m.

"You're welcome!"

"I MEAN, YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO."

"I know, I wanted to!" GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO ADD GENTLEMAN TO THE LIST. I think about how upset Dave looked when John offered, while Rose and Jade were really excited. "So what's your blood color?"

"EXCUSE ME?"

John looks over to me. "Your blood. What color is it?"

I squint my eyes at him. "WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"Because I don't know. I know the blood color of every troll but you and Kankri." I mentally face palm myself. KANKRI WEARS OUR BLOOD COLOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY WITH THAT DAMN RED TURTLENECK.

I sigh. "I WON'T TELL YOU."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I'M A MUTANT. I RATHER NOT LET ANYONE KNOW JUST HOW WEIRD MY BLOOD COLOR IS." EVEN THOUGH IT'S THE EXACT SAME AS YOURS.

"So…no one knows?" Terezi is the only person who does, but I won't say it. I shrug, and John seems to understand. "Alright then…I'm sorry." I shrug again.

Soon enough, we make it to my house. It's not as nice and cool as everyone else's, but Crab dad and I make it work. It's a dark gray house that looks a little run down, with all the cracks everywhere. Crab dad and I stopped really caring about the upkeep when I realized that no one is going to come over other than Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. Sollux comes over occasionally, but I kind of push him away. I PROBABLY PUSHED EVERYONE ELSE AWAY… But now, I feel a little embarrassed that John has to see this.

"OKAY…BYE," I say, trying to bury my face in my jacket.

"…I like it. Your house I mean."

I feel my face heat up. "THANKS." I was expecting him to run away or something.

"It suits you. N-not that I'm trying to offend you!"

"I…I THINK I KIND OF UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY."

John nods. I notice that his cheeks are a little red. It can be from the cold, but something tells me he's blushing. "Can I come in?" That throws me off-guard. No one has ever wanted to come to my house, especially not a human. I feel my face flushing even more.

"W-WELL…MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME."

"Okay!" He smiles again. I look at his blue eyes, suddenly feeling…something. It's like a little tug in my chest. I ignore it for the time being and extend my hand at him. Yet John doesn't take it.

He hugs me instead.

I feel immediate warmth and I just want to stay there for--wait, what the hell am I saying? I DON'T LIKE THIS FEELING…

But still, it's really nice to have someone hug me. Sure, the other trolls hug me, but I feel a sort of distance, whereas John is giving his all into it.

We finally pull away, and John stutters, "H-have a nice day K-Karkat!" He turns on his heel and speed-walks away, leaving me wondering what just happened.

~**~

Terezi, Kanaya, Nepeta, and I are in Nepeta's jeep, Kanaya at the wheel. We're on our way to watch a movie, passing through the neon lights of downtown. Terezi's next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. My arm's around her, playing with her hair as I look out the window. All I see is store after store, people shopping, but I'm not really focusing; all I see is John in my mind. It's been two weeks since the incident. Now, whenever I see John at school or whatever, I have this weird urge to do something, and it's nothing violent! THAT'S WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST. I keep thinking about being in a kismesisstude with him, and it keeps creeping me out. It makes sense, but he's a douche! Okay, not really, but still! HE'S A DANGEROUS HUMAN.

And the worst part about it, is that he keeps on hugging me in front of everyone! It's like he doesn't even care who sees. I know that he doesn't understand, but can't he see that his actions is turning everyone into a frenzy? Vriska's freaking out, Dave is pissed, Terezi doesn't really care, but I can tell that she's a little protective, and of course Nepeta and Meulin are having continuous fangasms. Even more, Jade keeps dragging me to hang out with them, and every single time, John walks me home. And every time, I want to bring him inside. I don't say anything though. Sometimes when we're saying our good-bye's, he leans in to kiss me on the cheek.

"THAT'S WEIRD," I said, but I secretly loved it.

I let out a sigh. "Penny for your thoughts Karkitty?" Nepeta asks from the front of the car.

"JUST THINKING," I answer absent-mindedly.

Terezi gasps. "K4RK4T 1S TH1NK1NG? 3V3RYON3, 1NFORM TH3 M3D14, 1T'S 4 M1R4CL3!" She laughs. It's a running joke among us trolls that I don't think, I just scream profanities and insults. It's true for the most part, but only Gamzee, Kanaya, and Terezi know what's really on my mind. They're the only ones who know about the incident. They feel happy that I don't want to really hate John, but I didn't tell them the whole story, just that he hugged me and left. SOME THINGS I  GOTTA KEEP TO MYSELF…

"SHUT UP, TEREZI." The teal blood laughs again. I keep looking out the window, not really seeing anything, but then I catch a flash of dark blue eyes. OH SH--! I feel my heart beating fast, but I attempt to convince myself that I'm just imagining things. But then I see it again, paired with the dorky glasses and the black hair. It's John, calmly walking by himself. "FUCK!" I yell, startling everyone in the car, especially Terezi. I slump down in my seat, making sure that my face is completely under the window.

"K4RKL3S WH4T TH3 FUCK?"

"Is Everything Alright Karkat?"

"Karkitty?"

"EVERYONE BE QUIET. HE'S HERE."

"Who?" Nepeta asks.

"HIM. THE HUMAN. JOHN."

"Where?" Kanaya looks out the window to search for him.

"DON'T LOOK!" I hiss. I peek out the window, tracking his movement.

"K4RK4T S3R1OUSLY WH4T'S UP?" I hear the worry in Terezi's voice.

"I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE ME."

"Nepeta doesn't understand," the olive blood says, going a little into role-play mode.

"SHH." The girls in the car look at each other, then back at me. After a minute, they start to smile widely. "WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT?"

"You like John, don't you Karkitty?"

"WHAT? NO."

"SOM3ON3'S F33LING R3D FOR JOHN!" the teal blood sing-songs. "OR 1S 1T BL4CK?"

"OH MY GOD NO, TEREZI."

"Don't Deny It," Kanaya says.

"KANAYA, REALLY?" They all start giggling and making kissing noises. I blush hard. "GUYS, SHUT UP."

"YO JOHN!" Terezi yells out the window. John perks up and starts looking around for the source of the voice.

"TEREZI, SHUT UP!" I push her away from the window.

"You Really Don't Want John To See You," Kanaya states.

"OBVIOUSLY."

She sighs. "Karkat, I Wish You'd Let Him In…"

I don't answer to that, and she keeps driving. Nepeta looks at me, not knowing what's going on right now. She frowns, not sure how to react at the sudden change of mood. I watch John continue to search for the person who called him, and I feel that little tug again in my chest, but this time it hurts.

~**~

"This is gonna be so much fun!" John exclaims, bouncing on his toes as we wait in line to buy tickets to the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I don't really what the hell it's about, and all John says is that Nicholas Cage is in it.

"YEAH…SURE…" I'm on edge tonight; I kind of asked him out two days ago. Of course, Dave got really pissed that I want just John and I to hang out, but Rose held him back from jumping me.

The line slowly advances and John's keeping up a string of chatter. That's another thing I like about him; he can talk without missing a beat, like Jade. He's really trusting too; he's told me some personal things, like the time he had a mental breakdown when he realized he's been drawing crude drawings of clowns on the walls in his sleep. It made me want to talk about my insecurities in detail, but I'm a little scared--what if John runs away? IT'S WEIRD THAT I WANT HIM TO STAY… All he knows is that I'm really lonely, but I try to hide it with my anger. He knows a little about what happened with Gamzee and I really miss him, but not much more. Sometimes I tell him that I'm not good enough, but he assures me that I'm okay just the way I am. I let out a small breath.

We make it to the front and pay the human at the cashier for the tickets. THANK GOD IT'S NOT ANYONE I KNOW.

We proceed to the snacks area, where John buys a medium Pepsi and popcorn for the both of us. He starts sipping the drink with a straw immediately, then passes it over to me. I stare at it blankly, not sure what he wants. "Drink silly!" John says.

I get flustered again. He forgot to get another straw, so if I put my lips on the straw, that's like an indirect kiss. My heart starts to beat wildly. I look between the drink and John. "U-UM…"

It dawns on him what I'm worried about. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I should've gotten another straw…"

"H-HEY, IT'S OKAY. I CAN HANDLE IT." I use the straw and sip, feeling a weird rush. John smiles at me, and we walk to the theater where the movie's showing.

~**~

John's walking me home again, but we're not talking. The silence feels comforting though.

"Hey Karkat?" John asks out of nowhere. We're almost in front of my house.

"HM?"

"Do you trust me?"

"…YEAH," I reply after a moment of pondering. "I DO." But I feel like I haven't given him enough reason to believe that.

He smiles at me. "I trust you too."

"THANKS, JOHN. HEY, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING." I want to let him know that I do trust him, and I can only think of one thing.

"What is it?" I stop walking and whip out my switchblade from my pocket in response. I always keep it on me in case of danger; Gamzee taught me that, when he attacked me when he was at his lowest point of depression. "That's a cool-looking knife!" John comments. I chuckle under my breath at his naïveté.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SHOW YOU." John looks at me in confusion. I pull up my jacket sleeve. I close my eyes, steeling myself from the oncoming pain. I've never did this before, cut myself. I raise the switchblade, but then John tackles me. The switchblade falls from my hand as we both hit the ground hard, my breath escaping me. "JOHN, WHAT THE--?"

"No Karkat! Don't do this!" I look into his eyes; I can see real fear in them. "I don't know why you would do this in front of me, but that's not cool Karkat!"

"JOHN, NO--"

"Don't cut yourself Karkat, okay?! I know that you're lonely, but that's not how you fix the problem!" Tears are welling up in his eyes.

"NO, JOHN, YOU DON'T GET IT. I WASN'T GOING TO CUT MYSELF. WELL, I WAS, BUT NOT FOR THE REASON YOU THINK."

"Wha…what do you mean?"

"I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU MY BLOOD COLOR."

"Karkat!" John scolds. "Why couldn't you have just told me?!"

"I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD BELIEVE ME…OR COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND."

"Oh…" I look to my left, where the switchblade is. I reach for it and look at John again.

"DO YOU TRUST ME?" He nods silently. I raise it again and make a small slash on my exposed forearm. A pool of bright red blood wells up and starts to spill down my arm.

"Karkat…it's the same as mine," John breathes.

"YEAH. IT'S THE SAME AS A HUMAN'S."

"But…I don't really get why that's a problem."

"I'M A MUTANT, JOHN. TROLLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE CANDY RED BLOOD. YOU KNOW ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM, RIGHT?"

"Yeah…"

"I DON'T FALL ANYWHERE ON IT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A LIME GREEN, RIGHT BETWEEN NEPETA AND SOLLUX, BUT I'M NOT."

"Is that why you're always defensive?"

I nod. "I TAKE GREAT CARE OF MYSELF, SO NO ONE CAN KNOW. I DON'T THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH, BECAUSE OF MY BLOOD COLOR. THAT'S WHY I TRY SO HARD TO GET THINGS DONE, BECAUSE I HAVE TO RELY ON MYSELF. DO YOU GET IT NOW?"

John doesn't say anything, but he hugs me tight. I put my arms around him gingerly, but he says, "It's okay, I don't mind having blood on me," so I hug him equally tight. My chest feels tight and I feel like crying.

"JOHN…"

"Yes?"

"WOULD…WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN?" He pulls away a little.

"You mean it?" I nod. We both get up from the ground. I pull the sleeve over my arm again, hiding the cut. I walk to the door and unlock it, pushing it open. John gasps a little from behind. All we see is a darkened living room with dust everywhere.

"IT ISN'T MUCH…" I say sheepishly. I feel John taking hold of my hand.

"It's enough for me."

~**~

We're both in my room, talking. John tells me about his fears, and I tell him more about my life. I explain about my relationship with Terezi, more about what happened with Gamzee. I tell him how they both went out with each other behind my back, messing up the balance we had. I tell him that I'm scared to die alone, even though I have friends. He tells me that he's scared of growing up and hating everything he's ever loved. We cry a little.

After a while, I notice that we're leaning really close to each other. "You know Karkat," John says, "I don't think we'd be in a kismesis relationship anymore."

"WHY?"

"Because I don't feel black for you."

"ME TOO."

"So…what would we be?" MATESPRITS, I answer in my head, and then I mentally kick myself.

I shrug and nonchalantly say, "I DON'T KNOW."

John kisses me on the cheek. I blush and do the same thing. We've reached a point where things are awkward, and we don't know what to do about it. I WISH I COULD KISS HIM…

He looks down at my bandaged forearm. "I hope you don't do that again."

I snort. "DON'T WORRY, IT'S A ONE-TIME THING." He leans and kisses the wound softly.

"I like you, Karkat."

I don't know in what way he means it, so I say, "I LIKE YOU TOO, JOHN."

Before I can get a grasp of what happened, John kisses me sweetly on the lips. He tastes like blueberries, and I want more. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close, trying to let him know how I feel…whatever it is.

When we pull away, John rests his head on my chest, and I run my fingers through his black hair. Then I ask, "AM I GOOD ENOUGH, JOHN?"

The blue-eyed teen smiles up at me. "It's enough for me."